Want to get back into playing rugby?
Worried about your fitness?
Want to put something back into the game?
Want to coach or become a referee?
Then why not look at what Old Walcountians has to offer.
Player of the Day: Matt Hougthon
| |||
| |
Thinking of joining a Rugby Club? Want to get back into playing rugby? Worried about your fitness? Want to put something back into the game? Want to coach or become a referee? Then why not look at what Old Walcountians has to offer.
Player of the Day: Matt Hougthon
| |
| |||
|
The Back Page |
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
We decided to publish an occasional feature, introducing new members to the various characters who make up OWRFC. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
New Players Evening 2009  The Love of Rugby The other day I was in the pub having a few quiet beers by myself. The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'9' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show. After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sitting down. She said ' Hi ', and I said ' Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.. 'So, does that make you feel good ?' she asked. . 'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.' 'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 18, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the Public School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.' I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go but she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast. 'How do you feel now,' she purred. ' OK' I replied. Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!' Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match. The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, palmed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a Try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'till full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal with which to win the match and........ ' Ahhh...., she growelled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt. My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton , and she was wet !!!! She snapped, 'Well tell me this, Smart Ass : Have you ever felt such a c**t?' 'I certainly have' I answered, 'I missed the kick.' Much Shabiness at the Club Dinner 2008  Bournemouth Tour 2008  She Just Couldn't Wait to Spend the Money!  Utrecht Tour 2007 Anyone got any idea what's happening here?  Club Dinner 2007 Another fine evening and one of the best for the 80 attendees. The montage below tells a few stories and perhaps asks some questions too!  New Player Evening 2007  Who's the Groover at this Chav Meet? Picture removed - apparently the club skipper cannot bear the shame!! Charity Dear All, I am taking part in a charity bike ride later this year to raise funds for Mute Tourette's Syndrome. Mute Tourette's Syndrome has long been in the shadow of its more famous sister-disease, 'Tourette's Syndrome', and although much rarer, is even more tragic in its consequences. While a child suffering from Tourette's has difficulty in containing its anger and frustration, a child with Mute Tourette's suffers a worse fate and is unable to express their true feelings. There is, however, an answer. A great deal has been achieved by the Mute Tourette's Foundation using new art therapy techniques. However, their work can only continue with your help. Just ?2.50 will keep a child supplied with crayons for a whole day. ?10.00 will provide them with enough paper for a week. I would be extremely grateful to anyone who feels able to help such a deserving cause. Many Thanks in advance. (I have attached a picture to demonstrate how the donations received so far have been put to good use). Best wishes Jerry SAFFA Night A little taster of what it was like on Saturday. Babes on surfboards, Neil trying on the largest 1st team trainiing top available, a cautionary tale of why it's never a good idea to fall asleep in the bar and three gay men coming out together!! Marvellous.  Need a Plumber? That's what happens when you buy quality French engineering.... If you see the fella in the kilt, beware, there's a piece of Biltong shaped like a penis (only smaller) lurking underneath.  Family Planning  What I did on my summer holiday By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 3/4 In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago. While the grown up's went to play football I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs. I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it. All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday. The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though. Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me. All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think. And it weren't one of those new small phones, it was proper big? New Sutton Eatery  New Players Pictures  The New Marvel Comics Superhero  The Shadow!!  A brief appearance of the world renowned wrestling collosus know as the Shadow at Pembers 30th birthday last Saturday. The meastro of the spangle and glitter Kendo Nagasaki death hold, is often seen to be snarling from the 3rd IV front row when not frightening old Grannies at the Sheffield Hippodrome. Tutton Grappling
Tired & Emotional
Where Bramble Gets his Arse Cleaned  The Genius of Peter Kay 1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem? 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. 4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. 7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 8) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.' 9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? 10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. 11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. Peter Kay's questions... 1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? 2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth 3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your back side 5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? 6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date? 8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? 9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing? 10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? 11. What do people in China call their good plates? 12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom? 13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? 14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? 15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? 16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window? Peter Kay's Universal Truths 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. 4) You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. 7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden. 8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. 9) You never know where to look when eating a banana. 10) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball. 11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. 12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad. 13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush. 14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. 15) You never ever run out of salt. 16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. 17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. 18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan. 19) The most painful household incident is being shoeless and stepping on an upturned plug. 20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard. 21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with. 22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. Bungholio Meets The Evil Twin  Bungholio on the receiving end of a Scotch Pie !! Very Bad Day at the Office  Big Girls Arse
Compassion!  Spud Caption Competition
Where Are They Now?
Pictures from Gloucester Tour 2005  Looks like it had all the usual ingredients;
Our Man in Jordan  Big Gordy the master of all he surveys!! Here's Something for the Ladies!  It's true, they're all nutters in Wales!! Click here for the proof Geezer Cuts Off Own Balls After Wales Beat England Pictures from the New Players Evening 2005 Some picturess from this year's event.
School Disco Caption Competition
The Strafing of Cologne 2004 The OWRFC Expeditionary Force returned from a successful skirmish in Cologne at Easter. The boys played 3 games (madness) and may have actually won one of them, nobody seems able to remember.  Here we see the stout yeomanry of OWs leaving the transport, embarking on yet another Search & Destroy mission. For some, the heat of battle proves a little too much ..........  The big man takes a few minutes away from the muck and bullets to contemplate his next move...... more beer looks to be the likely course of action.
And finally ......  The boys have made it to the Berchtesgaden and are obviously jubilant - those that have not been hospitalised anyway A bloody but triumphant OWRFC tour comes to a climax in the land of the Hun! As always, Corporal Dring is late for the party but appears to be mid-way through a lederhosen wearing tour of Bavaria. Also, Private McDowell is sporting a rather fetching field jacket he no doubt tore from the back of a Jerry he found sleeping in a hedge. Congratulations to all those who toured and made such a special event of it and special thanks to General Nayman for making it happen. Look forward to seeing you all on tour again next year..... Hands Free Sets from "The Judge" IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP AS THEY ARE SELLING QUICK... I don't know if you've heard, but you are no longer able to use a mobile phone while driving, unless you have a "hands free" adaptor. I went to a Vodafone Shop and they wanted ?50 for an earpiece and microphone for my mobile phone. I have found an alternative kit that is compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid ?0.10 each for buying in quantity and I am selling them for ?1.99 including postage. I have tried these out on Ericsson, Motorola, Siemens & Nokia handsets and they worked perfectly. A photo is attached here - take a look and let me know if you want one. Advent Calendar Our PR department here at OWRFC HQ have been hard at work producing this destive calendar of all of the 3rd XV wives in a rather dubious state of undress. Click here Something for Christmas A certain PC Knacker of the Yard sent me this little xmas ditty. It's quite big, so be aware when downloading - it's not filth, there's no bad language so you're safe to open at work ...... Christmas Carol I'm wondering wether it's all his own work ?? A Contribution from Our Own Welsh Wizard, Tutts  Ten Classic Rugby Quotes (from Planet Rugby)
Made Me Laugh  Caption Competition  Who's this getting chucked out of Egdbaston for streaking in his luminous chuddies ? It is of course our first team wing, Oli Patrick - nice speedos!! If you have a suitable caption for this picture, send it to sohara@pivotal-solutions.co.uk There will be the usual bottle of fizz for the winner. Fingers' Secret to Size Revealed It would appear that we've finally got to the bottom of why Pembers is the size of a semi-detached house...... Worried by the unreliability of the supply chain through his local corner shop, the big man has secretly bypassed the multiples and created his own source for the cocoa gold!!  Thanks to Russ Smith for the investigative work Caption Competition Winner Congratulations to our winner Phil Dinsdale for this outstanding effort - a bottle of champagne will be coming your way this Saturday.  Many thanks to all those who sent captions - some were funny, some were rude and some (not many) were downright unpublishable! Below is a selection of the best of the rest:-
What passes for humour in the backs A forward went to the doctor one day and said: "I've just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt." So the doctor said: "You've broken your finger." Johnny Wilkinson goes into the England changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but we've just beaten the All Blacks and Australia in consecutive weeks and let's be honest it's only South Africa. They're shite and we can't be bothered". Johnny looks at them and says "Well, the way I've been playing recently, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Johnny goes out to play South Africa by himself and the rest of the England team go off for a few jars. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the telly on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "England 7 - South Africa 0 (Wilkinson - 10 minutes - Converted Try)". He is beating South Africa all by himself! Anyway, the telly goes off and a few more pints later the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how Johnny got on". They put the telly back on. "Result from the Stadium: England 7 (Wilkinson 10 minutes) - South Africa 7 (Paulse 79 minutes)". They can't believe it, Johnny has single handedly got a draw against South Africa and maintained England's unbeaten run at home!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down." says Johnny. "Don't be daft, you got a draw against South Africa, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!" says the rest of the team. "No, No, I have" says Wilkinson, "I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes" DURING A CUSTODY BATTLE BETWEEN THE PARENTS OF A THREE YEAR OLD BOY IN COURT IN SOUTH AFRICA; THE JUDGE ASKED THE BOY.WHY DONT YOU WANT TO STAY WITH YOUR FATHER ? THE BOY EXPLAIN THAT HIS FATHER BEATS HIM. AND YOUR MOTHER ? THE JUDGE WANTED TO KNOW. "MY MOTHER ALSO BEATS ME" HE WENT ON. THE JUDGE WAS BAFFLED;AND SO HE ASKED THE BOY . "WHO DO YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ? THE BOY SAID WITHOUT HASITATION "THE SPRINGBOKS;BECAUSE THEY DONT BEAT ANYBODY". Teddington Here are some pics from the game last Saturday against the 16 man side of lucky, lucky Teddington!! The Old Walcountians foot soldiers ....  Dean chatting with two of their players before the game....  A wry smile?  Two girls explaining to John Byrne where he's going wrong in the forwards....  Russ about to be lifted into the stratosphere by the titans of the OW front row (well, fat blokes anyway)  Blimey!! They can lift after all  Line abreast, just waiting for those useless donkeys in the pack to sort the ball out (Mike Brambles words, not mine)  Two old geezers who happended to be walking around Bushy Park looking rather suspicious PC Knacker has been informed.  |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
. 
