Player Profiles > Size - Weight - Inside Leg Measurement
More than you possibly wanted to know about the yeomanry of OWRFC
Name: Aitor Cisneros (Late)Age: 42
Position: Front Row
The most foreign body among all the foreigners in the club, our Basque connection joined the club in the year 2000. If you ask him, he'll say that he is a versatile front row, who can play loose, tight or hooker, but in reality he's trying to find a position that he's good at without much success.
His lack of quality in the pitch is compensated by his good skills in the bar and on tour.

Name: Alex SadlerAge:
Position: Flanker
While he may look like a baby faced 14 year old school girl, don't let his now slightly mis-shapen mug deceive you. This man is a tackling beast. With his average of 879 tackles per game and his apparent ignorance of any laws, Sadler is a fly half's nightmare.

He once scored a try and when the ref blew the whistle, retreated 10 meters ready to make the next tackle as he is so often caught doing something illegal.

To sum up 'boy bandit', even a well placed headbutt was not enough to knock him down, in fact his immediate response was an astounding 'Call that a headbutt?'

Name: Alex Sutherland (Rod)Age: 32
Position: No 8
"Rod is another former Wallington pupil who has returned to play his trade for the counts. His trademark flaring can be not only be seen on the rugby pitch but also in the Long Islander every Saturday night. A competitive number eight Rod is also Old Walcountians resident romantic,he is a guitar playing, french speaking lothario if he only had some clothes without holes we could have a new Casanova on our hands.
Many a coach has remarked that if Rod's rugby playing talent was in proportion to the size of his head the Walcountians would find themselves playing in the national leagues.

Name: Antony White (AJ, Gay-J)Age: 37
Position: Centre/Fly-half
AJ has a penchant for flair with his silver boots and a text book 'shoulder drop' that has left many a defender flat-footed. A solid tackler often calling it before the crunch - making him a true crowd pleaser! Don't be surprised if you see AJ eyeing the fly half position this year and maybe the odd drop goal... that is of course if he can cast off the shackles of fatherhood for at least a couple of hours on a Saturday!

AKA "Iron Fist in Velvet Glove"

Name: Ben McDaniel (Bieber, Pretty Boy)Age: 21
Position: Wing, Running away from excitable senior tourists
Voted during the island tour as the 'One I would if I had to' by the entirety of the senior touring party!

Reasonably fast down the wing (particularly if there is a senior tourist behind him) and seen to score tries on occasion. Ben can normally be found beating up his nemesis (the Shaved Monkey) whilst shouting 'not the face, not the face'.

Name: Bob McDowell (Carrots and Mash, The Claw, Beared Chairman, Patio Bob, Tiger)Age: 57
Position: 2nd row, row, row your boat
Despite early childhood afflictions of being both ginger and having to wear purple crushed velvet “loon” suits, Bob has overcome these to rise to the lofty heights of OWRFC Chairman. I mean, unless you’re a staunch loyalist, the combination of orange & purple should really be avoided.

As the newly appointed OWRFC Chairman, he has some large shoes to fill. Come to think of it, he has some large pants & trousers to fill as well, not to mention an 18.5 inch collar.

It’s hoped that in his fiftieth year and in his new role, he can continue to set aside some time to claw his way back onto the pitch.

Little Known Fact: Has tried unsuccessfully to hide his Scottish roots.

Name: Bruce South (Southy, Bergmasco, Wolf)Age: 48
Position: Flanker
Jack's Dad. Enough said.

Well, not quite...if rhythm is a dancer, Bruce's middle name is not rhythm.

Little known fact: "Bruce still has the largest flip-flop collection in Surrey & is keen to add to his collection - best prices paid - please ask".

Name: Bruce Whiter (Brucie)Age: 45
Position: Back Row
Ex-second team captain and stalwart of the Barbarians. Bruce is renowned for his on pitch vocalisations (which only he understands) and tough playing style.

Little know fact: Bruce has a fear of being left behind & can often be heard to utter the phase "don't leave me..." when on Tour. Also, he doesn't like the Welsh.

Little known fact II: "Bruce has recently become a Dad again, proving that the first, as some had believed, wasn't a fluke".

Name: Charlie Everingham (Pyro)Age: 63
Position: Formerly important
Our esteemed former leader.
Many have tried to emulate the voice but only one has managed it so far (you know who you are!).

Great off the pitch when he was club chairman. Bit boring now though. Allegedly a total git when he was on the pitch although nobody is around who can remember!

Mrs E. knocks up a cracking bit of Carrot Cake apparently.

Name: Chris Ashman (Bash)Age: 21
Position: Prop
New to the club in the 09-10 season, "Bash" has become an integral part of the OWs scummaging machine. Having started in the 4th XV he quickly became top points and try scorer and has since gone on up the club to the 2nds.

Some excellent performances in the bar through the year culminated in an excellent virgin tour for this quiet chap whose deeds do all the talking for him.

Name: Chris Drinkwater (Sweeeeeeeeeeedo, Bubba Ho Lips)Age: 32
Position: Winger/Renaissance Full Back
More famous for his Hunched appearance, and ridiculously big bubba lips Swedo managed to scoop the coveted player of the season award for 2003/04, although truth be told most of the old codgers and Dirks just fancy his mum.

On the pitch there is no doubting that Old Walcountians nordic vice captain has bags of ability but it is in the club house post game where Sweedo excels. Exciting in open play with the ball in hand, useless when called upon to make a potentially match winning pass.

Should be an interesting fight between him and Bealsey for the full back position next season although Sweedo doesn't think Ollie wants a fight, he knows that Mr Beales has the 'stomach' for one.

Name: Chris Mockford (Mocky)Age: 31
Position: Centre
A new recruit for the 2005/06 season, it was hoped that Mockford would provide the Kicking prowess that the Walcountians have lacked in recent seasons. Needless to say, the fact that Ollie '2 left feet' Beales has retained hs kicking duties merely illustrates how foolish such hopes were. Despite that, Mockford has contributed a number of tries this season, covering approximately 3 yards per score.

Little known fact "Chris should aim a little higher & more to the left / right, unless it's a particularly difficult kick, in which case this should not present a problem".

Name: Dan JonesAge:
Position: Flanker (Retired Hooker)
A former mental patient, Jonesey has the rare talent of thinking after he's done the act. With the mentality of 'Kill Them All', Dan is repeatedly reminded that it is only a rugby match. This, however, has never deterred him from putting his body on the line, with the fragments of skull in his brain to prove it.

Renowned for the famous 'cock slap' manoeuvre on the face of his opponents (off the record), even the first female ref of the season could only produce a yellow card, met by a sigh of relief (we might add). With the title of 'that cheating b*stard' supplied by the oppo, you will see this man at the end of the match either repenting his sins or getting ready to attend the funeral of last weeks victim.

With Jonesey's late tackle precision, it can only be advised to play on the same side as him, or not at all. With the confirmed highest ratio of converting rugby players to ballet dancers; don't say you weren't warned!

Name: Dave Lester (Big Dumb Dave)Age: 33
Position: 2nd Row/Back Row (definitely not Full Back!)
Dave can often been seen leaping like a salmon in the line outs catching everything within his 10m arm span (yes he is a chimp), but has to be constantly reminded that this is due to the expertise of his able lifters!! A great tackler with good hands, but is one of the most taped up players in the game, often resembling an Egyptian mummy! Fancies his chances at Full Back, but in reality this is never going to happen due to his 2 left feet (despite wearing ‘football’ boots)! Makes up one third of the 3 Musketeers, who can regularly be seen toasting OW’s success to a pint of Fighting Brew…usually long after everyone else has left!

Name: Dave Rees (Reesy)Age: 53
Position: Flanker
Dave has a tendency to get stuck in - literally at all & every opportunity. Dave has given his name to a move which, when expertly executed, usually secures a two metre advantage if not a try.

Little known fact: has been known to give a Prop & most other players a slap. Dave also enjoys expensive male grooming products and pikey baiting!

Name: Dean Charnock (Pikey)Age: 137
Position: Scrum Half
Dean (a previous club captain) is a well respected member of the Walcountian set-up, having played for the 1st XV for several seasons. He is a scrum half very much in the Dewi Morris, '4th back row' player mould, causing mischief at the breakdown and putting his body on the line for his team.
Fitness training over the summer of '04 means he is primed for the ladies / 2004/5 season. His only downside is that he is such a pikey!

Name: Dean Grehan (Toby, Melt)Age: 34
Position: All over the place
What can you say about this former 2nd XV skipper? Well, if we were to say that his brother had to learn from someone, you'd get the general idea!

Another OW who is excellent in the bar and exceptional on Tour but we are unable to publish any evidence.

Name: Gary Hird (Heed, Harry Gird)Age: 41
Position: Former Chairman - Former jack of all trades
Our former leader. God bless him! The youngest one so far.

Before injury cut his rugby 'career' short, Gary was known for his hard tackling and vicious hand off (think clubbing arm!). He was in fact the first man to ever be sin-binned in OWRFC history albeit for a completely gay football type tripping up of an opponent.

Usually found at the bar with Bungholio, Bull and Pembers although recently discovered reliving his youth by escorting younger members of the club to Chicago's where his dancing has been likened to a 'Thunderbird Puppet on Speed'

With his rapidly receding hairline and Pembers-esque belly he is nowhere near as handsome as he used to tell us he was.

Name: Gavin Welsh (Sausage Fingers, Boi, That Big Bloody Saffa)Age: 61
Position: Utility Player
Not best known for his good looks (think bulldog with a perm!), Gavin's persona of 'pissed off bouncer with a headache' strikes fear into the most hardened of opposition. In fact it's safe to say that he just strikes them at every available opportunity. A firm believer of getting his retaliation in first, he is often seen asking the referee 'Who me Sir?' with an innocence that does not quite correlate with the opponents head that hangs from his hands. A former roofer in his previous 'colonial' career, his hands are in fact bigger than most peoples heads. Now a plumber and often seen carrying toilet pans under each arm (if not carrying Warren around).

Kwazulu-Natal under 18 cross-country wrestling champion.

In summary, a flip-flop, hawaiian shirt wearing beast of a man who is not as handsome as he thinks he is. Shares his hair with his missus.

What others are saying: "He's just a big-softie and I could totally have him in a fight!" - Steve Allen

Name: Gordon McKinley (Cato)Age: 43
Position: Second Row
A former Scots Guard, Gordon as well as being an excellent second row and clubman also does a great line in shoe care.

Little know fact: doesn't like people who monkey around & do not approach him from the rear or you could be for the chop!

Name: Guy Howford (Slowhands, Sefton, Thomas the Tank Engine)Age: 51
Position: Wing / Full Back
Like lightning on the pitch with a good boot, Guy has had to clear Barbarian lines on many an occasion. As one of his nicknames suggests his handling could be faster.

Guy was nicknamed Sefton by a former team mate due to his equestrian qualities. However, “Thomas the Tank Engine” is now more appropriate following a recent incident where he failed to score due to running out of steam.

Little know fact: Guy works in a school & trains a colts rugby team as he likes to be involved with children. This also accounts for his wanting to play with the big kids in the Barbarians every Saturday. Guy is not on a register or nuffing.

Name: Ian Richardson (Pie)Age: 31
Position: Front Row
While Pie is still a relative youth at the club, having only played there for the last few years, he is most surely a codger in the making as when he bleeds, his blood runs blue and gold.
He is well known for his sporting of a rather fetching pair of 1970’s briefs, which he fondly likes to refer to as his lucky pants. However the last time he got lucky in those monstrosities is anyone’s guess.
Any profile of Pie wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the large dent in Pies head caused by the presence of his girlfriends thumb. Anyone who doubts that such a stout fellow as Pie could be so under the thumb need only look at his photo of what she does to him when he disobeys her. However, on the rare occasion that you may meet Pie in the bar, ask to meet his mate that he carries around with him wherever he goes.

Name: Jack South (Fred's brother)Age: 23
Position: All over the place
Jack is the eldest of Bruce's boys but doesn't seem to have been too badly affected by this.
A gritty yet talented back who's skills and enthusiasm retained him a starting place in the 3rd XV until he inexplicably went to training and was immediately demoted to the 1st XV.
A good lad on and off the pitch who my well serve you a beer at the club if he's not being swooned over by female club members and other bar staff!

Name: James Deakin (Beserker, Freakin', Trash Heap)Age: 38
Position: 2nd Row
New to the club in 06-07, James became an integral part of the 3rd XV, keeping out the some of the more rotund options that were available to the skipper at the time. By the end of that season he had made the 2nd XV and, after attending JY's rigorous pre-season sessions, a year in the 2's beckoned.

After the incumbent 2nd XV Captain's Nervous Breakdown, James stepped in and provided some much needed stability, guiding the team to some improved performances.

Fearless in the tackle and all over the place in the loose, James' commitment to rugby is surpassed only by his ability to talk. When not talking, he's eating which you wouldn't believe as he is no where near as fat as the other locks in the club!


Name: Jerry Warwick (The Judge, Gene Hunt)Age:
Position: To the Right
Some say he was forged in the fires of hell, others say........well, we've never found a survivor!

Known to all of his contemporaries as a tough, uncompromising forward on (and sometimes off) the pitch, this former club captain is a loyal and distinguished club man and is known to the current generation simply as "Judge". His distinctive dispensation of justice (some would call it tough love) has defendants in court quaking in their boots and has the gallery in fits of giggles (the word schadenfreude comes to mind).

It has been mooted that Life on Mars' DI Gene Hunt was modelled on Jerry's stirling service in the Police force, however, Philip Glenister denies this saying "time travelling cops are far more credible than some of the things that Mr Warwick got up to!".

By regularly avoiding the Chairmanship, Jerry is just putting off the inevitable!

Name: John Young (JY)Age: 43
Position: Once respected Prop
J-Who?

Name: Kemlo Longstaff ('Kemlo')Age: 30
Position: Prop
Named after the lead character in a series of 1950s adventure fiction novels by EC Elliott, Kemlo must be the only person in the world with this ridiculous name! Good job he looks so normal! Weighing in at over 18 stone, standing 6ft 2in tall, Kemlo showed potential in his first season at the club, gassing opposition with his “deceptively slow” turn of pace and whilst subtly deceiving them by being “so slow you don’t know what he’s going do”.
Always happy to drop in at 10, some have likened him to Dan Carter, but that’s just as ridiculous as his name!

Name: Mark Montgomery (Monty, Mont-ster)Age: 109
Position: Prop
Mark 'Monty' Montgomery is an Old Walcountian legend. He is the biggest heaviest man the club has ever invented (bar Pembers) and loyally used to work the bar like a man possessed.
A fine prop who can take on any front row, Monty loves nothing more than a good scrumage (as long as the scrum is near where he is standing when the whistle blows).
Top geeza and known for producing a powerful, gut quenching curry for the old bastards.

Name: Mark Tuffy (Tuffs, Popeye, Pitbull, Glass Ankles)Age: 53
Position: Loosehead Prop
Mark is an excellent Prop and due to his physical attributes is often compared to Popeye. A good lad to have around both on & off the field, he’s strong to the finish as he eats his spinach.

His hobbies include body building (upper body only) and water-sports. Although some suspect otherwise, he has never taken steroids – it’s a thyroid problem.

Little known fact: Mark is a bit pikey as he likes 'dags' & lives in a caravan. He has also been known to “kiss the guns” before a match.

Name: Matt Hougthon (Goon, Bowers, The Rabbi)Age: 30
Position: Flanker turned Hooker turned Rabbi
Matthew made a late foray into the world of rugby after realising that he could be of better use smashing (or trying to) other people rather than a cricket ball (although if there are cows on your cricket pitch he is the man to call). He learnt his trade up North at the rugby breeding ground of Lancaster University. Since coming to the club he has been a dedicated trainer and after becoming the most improved player in the 05/06 season he has set his sights on becoming a hooker. Highlights from on the pitch include "accidentally" knocking out the oppo fly-half, which led to substitution "for his own safety", as well as his enthusiasm for 7s .

If you are in the bar after a game beware flying stools as the Dark Goon has been known to decapitate new members of the club, and if you are an ex-Wallington Girl beware the aura of the Goon as he struts his stuff in the local clubs.

Name: Matt Pridding (Meat Prodding, Tour Ginge)Age: 22
Position: Centre
Former School 1st XV Captain and London Irish Academy player. This tangerine headed lothario gave it all up to study Archeology and Classics. When not hanging out with Tony Robinson on a Roman dig site he can be known to affectionately respond to the name of Fox Piss. Don't whistle near him he may do something odd.

Has a most unusual use for sinks!

Name: Mike Bramble (Bungholio, Silver Fox, Badger, Twitchy, Captain Capri, Captain Luxembourg, El Matador, Gramps & Brambizzle.)Age: 43
Position: Centre (of a sort)
A former Club Captain and one of only two to ever get us relegated. (At least he only took us down to Surrey 2 though Russ!) Captain of the infamous '140 Club' (if you have to ask you weren't there!) and master of the Matador tackle (Ole!). Learned to pass at the tender age of 33 when old age started to catch up and still holds the club record for fewest number of games per hamstring injury. Has even been injured in a warm-up, a physio-session, a chain-link fence and not to mention the occasional trip over his own ego.

A great believer in the old adage that 'Everyone is Entitled to His Opinion' and will probably have to die before he is appreciated at the club (some can only dream).

Some people may actually think he's a nice bloke but they've not come forward as yet.

Little Known Fact: "Mike has a gay side, it's the one with the mole."
Little Known Fact II: "Mike has recently been awarded Most Improved Tee Bearer for the 1st XV."

Name: Morgan Kelly (The Barbarian)Age: 112
Position: 2nd/Back Row
Slower than a slow thing, this collosus of the formidable 3rd team has more to his game than just the 18 stone he carries with him.
He can direct the game from any position on the pitch - which is just as well, given the little amount of it that he actually covers in a game......
In a recent vets game in which he was concussed on his first touch of the ball, his first words were rather bizarrely .."my satchel is packed".. very odd

Name: Neil Pemberton (Baby, Fingers, Dennis, Cumbersome, Pembers, GBF, Orange Peel, Mr Waymouth, Pillsbury, Staypuft)Age: 38
Position: 2nd Row (both). Club Captain (Admin Team), Ticket Salesman
As hard as a down-filled cushion, the big fella has recently surpassed his mentor, Paul Baker, in the belly stakes and can now formally be referred to as 'kin FAT. It is believed that his mother is actually a hippopotamus.

Neil is a loyal clubman and had he spent as much time on the pitch as he has in the bar, would most certainly be OWRFC's most capped player.

Married to the lovely Penny, who has pledged to keep him in the style to which he has become accustomed, namely sleeping alone with no sex. Father to Eddie who doesn't yet realise that if he doesn't grow up to be a fine figure of a man like his Pa (25+ stone), he will be deemed a failure.

1992 OWA All-Comers Dwarf Eating Champion.
1993 OWA Most Constipated "Player".
1994 OWA Longest Dump (12d 14hrs 27mins 11sec).
1995 OWA All-Comers Dwarf Eating Champion.
1996 OWA Most Constipated "Player".
2008 OWRFC Most Expanded Player.

Name: Ollie Beales (Bealesy)Age: 32
Position: Full Back (subject to Sweedo allowing him to play there)
Famed for playing at a level of some repute with a bunch of Northern monkeys, Ollie swears he has pace to burn. It must have been his prop-like gut which stopped him topping the try scoring table last season, eh?

A tenancious tackler and exciting runner and probably the most dedicated trainer you'll ever meet. Should be a good battle between him and teammate/BFF Swedo as to who gets the most tries.

He can now officailly be described as a 'Dirty Screw' although Nat says that this is nothing to do with his Job!

Name: Paul Baker (Bakes, Pablo Panadero, Doughie, Roseanne, Ten Bellies, Charlie Mingus)Age: 50
Position: Prop (ping up the Bar)
A long standing member of the club and distinguished prop forward in his time, Paul can always be found at the club supporting the 1st XV or whoever else is playing at home!
Survivor of over 18 tours and many tour comittees, he has a reputation for his drinking ability which is second to none.
Another one to be found celebrating/commiserating heavily at the bar he may well be the next Codger Liaison Officer,,..

Name: Phil Dinsdale (Dins, Northern Monkey, Laura Ashley, Nursey, The Human Canvas)Age: 50
Position: Centre (of attention)
OWRFC's token Northener, Phil is the product of a tough Northern town.

He won widespread acclaim for his Samoan sidestep in his playing days as well as his "One Punch" technique in the rucks and mauls. Painted from head to foot, Phil once applied to Stars in Their Eyes to be Barry Gibb but fate dealt him a cruel blow when he ended up down South instead.

Born to entertain, this much respected social member and Codger Liaison Officer has finally made it to the stage through stand up comedy where he runs the meat raffles in the interval.

Little Known Facts: The effectiveness of his patented sprinkler system is clearly evident whenever Phil wears caterpillar boots. He can order a Chicken Chow Mein with Egg Fried Rice when incoherent, although he's also partial to Prawn Balls. He has been known to "do a Houdini" supposedly from the toilets - usually around 7.45 / 8.00pm. Phil is now the proud owner of 'Saddam Hussein's Hammer'.

Name: Rob Grehan (The Wrong 'Un)Age: 29
Position: Hooker !
Utlitiy player and founder of the OWRFC 'Shaw Massive. Used to be fast until he got fat.
Not much else to add really. It's been said that some at the club 'like a bit of distance between this **** and themselves' but I don't know who.........

The word 'wrong' does not really do justice to this man.

Name: Robert Hird (Crazy Snake man, Evil Rob, Dangerous Brian)Age: 42
Position: Physio bench / operating table
A late return to rugby saw fine performances earning Rob the player of the year award in his first season back, however it wasn't long before he started falling apart and these days is of no use at all after the first 20 minutes of any game when he goes off injured.

His liking for slithery reptiles, and life threatening activities is a stark confirmation that he's a strange one alright!

Name: Robin Nayman (Rob, Whiter's Mate)Age: 41
Position: Back Row
The politcally correct police have deemed this profile too sensitive for your eyes

***ASBO*** pending - do not approach.

Name: Russ CarsonAge:
Position: Prop
Russ joined the club last year looking to work off a little weight (approx.8 stone), play a little social rugby and drink a few cheeky pints. He ended the year as the clubs player of the year and 1st XV loosehead prop; having never previously played front row.

A player of some stature(polite term for fat) Russ has pace to burn on occasions, the clubs largest builders bum and hands so soft that they must have permanently been bathed in fairy liquid. Once complaining to the club coach that subbing him 2mins before the fighting broke out was in fact a failure to plan ahead and that his man-management skills needed improving; Russ has the wonderful ability to grab an opponent and use him as a battering ram to ward off potential tacklers. After a game Russ can be distinguished at the bar with fag in mouth, pints in both hands, shirt casually untucked patiently listening to Godfrey regale him of yet another 5 hour rendition of “a funny thing happened on the way to the newsagent”.

Name: Russ Yeo (Voice of the Maul, 2 Years Yeo)Age: 37
Position: No. 8
The ex-club captain is without doubt the most committed player in the current Old Walcountian set up, but has a weak spot in his game whereby he is particularly vunerable to being dumped, but enough about about his love life. (Bodes well for marriage eh!)
Russ' efforts on the pitch are probably the most consistant of anyones in the club - he regulaly concedes penalties for politely informing referees where to insert their decisions. Other then that, his performances can be seen as being a lot like his women, strong, foul mouthed, occasionally dirty, and at home at the bottom of a pile of 10 men !

Name: Ryan McGibbonAge:
Position: Wing, Longest in the Showers
Whilst being relatively new to the game, Ryan has established himself in the upper echelons of the OW player base due to his blistering pace and appetite to learn.

Enough of that. A top bloke to have around the club, particularly on Tour where he has established a reputation as a fine Liason Officer with the locals. Oh, did I mention his appendage?

Name: Sam Naylor (Nails)Age: 30
Position: Centre
Like the $6m Man, this profile is being rebuilt.

Name: Simmon Manning (The Clingfilm Kid)Age: 25
Position: Winger
After managing to navigate a so called Rugby playing independent school in Croydon without ever playing the game, Simmon is now a true convert to the game. He has 'backed himself' endlessly despite getting hit so hard early season as to warrant asking the ref for a toilet break.

His conversion is so complete he now owns nearly every shirt ever produced by Stade Francais, as well of course as his beloved Argentina.

As he has now survived his first season on and off the field (where a career ending Clingfilm incident was carefully side-stepped), he can only get better on the pitch and hopefully the bar as well.

Name: Simon Fowler (The Growler, Bambi, Paula)Age: 31
Position: Back Row
Despite his gormless expresion Simon is surprisingly sharp and can be seen galloping up and down the middle of the pitch like a winded gazelle in support of the backs for 80 minutes every saturday. Probably best summed up by Jo as "too stupid to know when he is tired"

Name: Steve Allen (The Bull, Potato Boy, Neil's Mate, Little Stevie Allen)Age: 44
Position: Anywhere but on the pitch - Occasional Propping
An ever expanding rugby legend, in his own little world, Steve has perfected the art of being a fully accepted member of the club without really ever stepping onto the pitch! Despite this, Steve has perfected what he thinks is is the perfect answer to any situation - Violence! No-one and I mean no-one is immune from the simmering belligerence that is Mr Allen.

Even more miserable these days as he actually has to work for a living. And what is it with that stupid gay little ginger beard?

Answer: It's so that he can look even more like his picture!

NB. He's not Neil's Mate. He just follows Pembers around hoping to catch some spillage from my crisp packet.

Name: Steve Cowlin (Cocker/Cowpat)Age: 34
Position: Prop
A lively and athletic prop, with hands and pace which defy his position on the pitch, unfortunately less lively in the bar after the game. Was once part of the now legendary Three Musketeers, which has recently been disbanded, due to (thumb shaped) pressure from above. A regular first team player, but for how long, who knows, now he is broken up the happy home with the skipper and Tindall. Part of the awesome Walcountian line out, but merely as an accessory to the multi talented and physically attractive jumpers. This downturn in social, and unsocial drinking has been attributed to the recent removal of lumpy, the source of all Steve’s power.

Little known fact: Steve hates the fact that he is part Scottish.

Name: Steve O'Hara (Chief)Age: 61
Position: Back Row/Front Row/Winger
Came to rugby late in life and has managed to prove that pace and wit are not something that you gain with age!

Played in every side in the club, crap in all of them according to the captains. Can't decide whether his considerable kicking talents are only eclipsed by his shyness for the head on tackle.

What he lacks in ability he more than makes up for in attendance and in-game cliches.

Long time associate of Kelly and Tutton - they say you should judge a person by the friends they keep......

Name: Steve PaddockAge:
Position: Winger cum 2nd Row
Rapidly becoming a seasoned OWRFC player, initially on the wing Steve has now moved from 14 to 4, covering every position along the way.

With a West Country upbringing and an aerobic capacity to rival Lance Armstrong, Steve often finds himself the first man at breakdowns. Steve used to hold the informal title of 'best endurance', but lost that title when he brought his 'brother' along last season.

A strict Gym/Magners regime is underway to add mass in the scrums! Steve can also occasionally be spotted on a rugby pitch with flamboyant passing to rival the likes of Carlos Spencer and Sonny Bill Williams.

For a relatively passive gent, Steve has previously shown an ability to ignite a 30 man brawl.

'Back yourself Steve'

Name: Steve Simmonds (Simmo)Age: 44
Position: Scrum-half/Back Row/Centre (jack of all trades, anyone?) (Vets Captain)
His increasing bulk has meant more games in the back row than at scrum-half recently, with more opportunities for boshing and general nuisance-making, when up with play.
His previous career with the Foreign Office once earned him the title of "The Ambassador", including a memorable incident with some Ferrero Rocher, but that's all over now. Has often been known to talk fluent German-porn, and utter sh*te, after a few cheeky beers.

2006 OWRFC Best Barf.

Name: Tony AitkenAge:
Position: 2nd Row
Tony is an integral member of the awesome 3rd XV engine room. His committment to playing and training puts most 1st teamers to shame and his natural ability to cause injuries to the opposition, his team mates and, more frequently, himself puts the sadistic activities of Genghis Khan to shame too!
A top man to have around the place.

Name: Trevor TwohigAge:
Position: Second Row; Sin Bin, Coach Minder
Trevor is a mild mannered Teacher during the week, which explains why his respect for authority (Referees!) is the same as that of a 14 year old pubescent. A 2nd XV staple and former skipper, Trevor can often be found behind the posts waiting for his 10 minute break to end. Considering that he teaches English, why is he so utterly incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together on the pitch?

In stark contrast to his on field antics, Trevor is a published author off the field and enjoys a gentle game of Cricket in the summer. As if this wasn't enough to keep him busy, Trevor is the founder of the Carshalton Scuba Society.

One question remains. Why did he wait so long before realising the coach wasn't moving? And more importantly, why leave it knowing that it was going back with the rest of the boys?

Name: Wally FourieAge:
Position: Scrum Half (Gobby)
What can you say about our esteemed 1st XV skipper?

Well, firstly, what happened to the rest of him? He has been on the run from Gollum for years! Never has such a slight frame been forced to endure such punishment, be it the way he throws it around on the pitch or in the Slug & Lettuce in Wimbledurban! He must be made of tungsten.

Obviously, being of a smaller carriage, his ability to process the huge amounts of alcohol that he imbibes is severely impaired which can lead to "incidents" the like of which we witnessed in Bath. Don't mention Ryan's toilet habits....

A great player and club man, he will be missed when he returns to SA.

WHERE'S WALLY?

Interesting Fact: He is so small, his Tour shirt was VAT free!

Name: Warren Chapman (Chappie, Gavin's Mate)Age: 48
Position: Utility Player
The lynch pin in the OW's Saffa invasion, this utility back come flanker can both bedazzle and bruise the opposition. A great bloke, good value in the bar too!

Oh and hung like a doormouse which was proven to Bungholio and Bull in O'Neills one fine night!

Little known fact: "the above picture is a 1:1 scale representation".

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